SONIC FIGHTS IN VIETNAM
by thesonicocwarrior
Summary: Prepare to go back to the past with a daring tale of war, chaos, and deception. It's 1971, and Sonic, Knuckles, Tails, Espio, Vector, and Shadow are all young men who have been drafted into the Vietnam War, forced to fight communists in the deadly jungle. Little do they know, the fate of America and the rest of the free world is in their hands.
1. Chapter 1

Knuckles had no idea what he was fighting for. Someone might have told him, some old man with a southern drawl and an expensive uniform, but if they had the echidna hadn't been listening. If there was an answer to why he had to trudge his boots through rice paddy after rice paddy, watching his platoon shrink with every detonated landmine, it would definitely be half-assed. But that was just fine. He didn't need any other excuse to kill gooks beside the obvious one: it was fun.

The thought made him chuckle under his breath. Knuckles looked over to his left; the squad's medic squinted down at the rectangle pinched between his thumb and forefinger.

 _Fuck, he's smiling again._

Knuckles knew the routine when it came that smug, spectacled bastard. The red rodent shoved the medic with his shoulder, grabbing the rectangle out of his boney nerd fingers. He fell right onto his geek ass, trying to take stock of what happened.

"Fuck you man. Get you mitten off my personal shit," the medic said as he stood back up.

Knuckles lifted the crinkled mess of wet paper in front of his squinting eyes. A PlayHog magazine: he recognized the magazine instantly from his youth. Many a night were spent soiling his briefs to the sinful pleasures of its pages. He suddenly took notice of the bulge in the medic's pants, and the fluid covering the book's pages which clearly wasn't water. But his moment of platonic heterosexual admiration was ruined by the slender model on the front page.

"Rouge…" Knuckles gasped under his breath. He scrunched his brow down in anger, a manly tear escaping from his masculine cornea. He remembered her: the love they'd shared, the nights of passion behind the Burger King Cashier counter, her betrayal. Her breasts were just as he remembered them, round and tanned like the heads of Latino babies. The photo didn't the rest of her any justice.

"You always were a whore. Now you look the part."

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting that you had a love thing with her," the medic said with a smirk.

"Fuck off dweeb!"

"Alright bro calm down my dude"

Knuckles crumpled up the magazine in his hands out of anger and looked around the jungle with his angry red eyes. His platoon had stopped in the middle of a rice paddy. Asian women and children stood bent over in the field wearing those cone hats on their head. Knuckles approached a young boy and pulled him up by his shoulders. The echidna shoved the wet paper ball into the kid's hands.

"You take this kid. Get some use out of it but don't rub too hard."

The boy looked down at the wet ball of porn in his palm, and his gaze wandered up to meet the echidna's eyes. Knuckles drew back in disgust as the minor's hand flew down through his waistband to his crotch bulge.

"Jesus, what the fuck do you think you're doing," Knuckles yelled as he shielded his eyes and turned his back to walk away. Unbeknownst to him, what he passed off as an innocently sexual wiener clutch was truly a sinister act, as a grenade sat tucked comfortably below his prepubescent scrotum.

An explosion of pure fire and explosives. The damn kid had pulled the pin and blown himself to smithereens. The women and the children stood up in response to the blast, revealing their AK-47s and M1 carbines. Knuckles threw himself onto his stomach and started crawling through the grass. Bullets whistled overhead and soldiers fell to the ground like raindrops made of men with bullet holes in them. Knuckles pulled out his custom made double-barreled desert eagle and fired blindly into the distance. The Vietnamese hid themselves well amongst the brush, their scrawny bodies serving as perfect camouflage. The women and children ran amuck, disorienting knuckles platoon with a screech similar to the quetzal bird native to the mountains of Central America. They lived in the rainforest and fed on insects and lizards. Big woman pulled out a mortar from behind her farming wagon, firing it right at the echidnas face. Knuckles clenched his eyes and prepared to meet his mama up in heaven but nothing ever happened. He peered out threw his fingers to see a massive blue blur hurtling the missile back at the Vietnamese, roasting them into black skeletons. The remaining hostile Asians began firing at the blue blur but failed to land a single hit. The streak came to a crashing hault, skidding and sending dirt flying towards his attackers which jammed their guns so they could not shoot their guns at him. It was a blue hedgehog wearing a dark green flak jacket, aviator sunglasses, and spotless red sneakers.

"I love the smell of gun smoke in the morning," the hedgehog said with a smirk and a succulent sniff. The hostile crowd sprayed him with thousands of bullets, unloading all of their clips, but the hedgehog moved his fingers at ultra-speed and caught every single one in his hand.

"Sorry fellas all is fair in love and war but mostly war you know what I'm talking about?" the mysterious warrior said with infinite spunk. He proceeded to twirl his arm at maximum speed, hurling the bullets back at his enemies like that one scene from the Matrix. Performing an epic triple backflip, the blue savior snatched the rice hat off a lady's head, throwing it like a Frisbee. It flew across the field, ricocheting off of trees and slices the remaining charlies' heads off.

"Sorry to steal the show big fella," the blue warrior lifted Knuckles by the shoulder, "Just thought you could use some help. Name's Sonic by the way."

"Who the hell let you onto the battlefield you reckless son of bitch! I had it all under control before you started your acrobatics routine!"

"Somebody's in our sour mood. Is this the thanks I get?"

"You could've killed us all with those stupid stunts you just pulled." Sonic scoffed at Knuckles attempt to scold him.

"I think it's a little wait to be worried about your buddies getting killed."

The red echidna looked around him and saw his fellow footman splattered all over the ground. Knuckles brushed teeth and blood vesicles and capillary tubes and such off his chest. Knuckles tracked down the remains of his best friend, Private Joe Conseco, and picked up his severed hand with his wedding ring still on it.

"His family will want this back," Knuckles packed it into his military backpack.

"And you might want to give this one back to the wife," Sonic joked, wiggling the dead man's severed and flaccid member between his fingers. Knuckles was about to shout at the disrespectful boy before he hear gunfire echoing in the jungle canopy. An armada of fully-grown Vietcong commies came running out of the woods at lightning speed. Sonic scooped Knuckles onto his back and ran away. Sonic thought that sometimes it was okay to run away as long as you weren't cowardly about it. Knuckles held on to Sonic's body and back as hard as he could while the hedgehog was running. Knuckles made sure to avoid his friend's inappropriate parts like the groin, thighs, and breasts. The ride was very uncomfortable because Knuckles kept getting stabbed by the big spikes on Sonic's head and back. The two survivors approached a helicopter that was prepared to take off.

"Tails! Start the engines and get us outta here!" Sonic yelled. The Vietnamese jumped were not far behind them as the helicopter began to lift off the ground. Sonic leapt up into the air like a majestic dolphin flipping out of the ocean if the ocean was made out of bullets being fired by guns. Sonic and Knuckles landed in the passenger seat and buckled their seatbelts.

"Hang on," Tails screeched, "I've got a crazy idea!" Tails jerked the wheel to the left, throwing the helicopter onto its side. The big blades sliced all the Vietnamese and vegetation in their way, showering blood all over the place like a dog caught in a lawnmower. The three boys now flew safely in the air. Knuckles, recovering from shock, could not believe what he'd just seen. Sonic had to be the craziest soldier he had ever met, and that was saying something.

"You have got to be the craziest soldier I have ever met, and that is saying something."

"All in a day's work, big boy," Sonic looked down at his sneakers. "Aw shit. I got blood all over these. Remind me to clean them when we get back to the base, okay Tails?"

"Why did you come to this part of the jungle anyway?" Knuckles asked.

"General Atkinson sent me here. He told me about a tough, young Mobian who was stuck leading a bunch of incompetent chumps. Sounded to me like you'd be a perfect recruit for our little project. You see, we're putting together a team…"


	2. Chapter 2

The helicopter touched down on the landing pad, coerced down through the canopy of trees by a man with developed biceps and strong forearms. Sonic jumped out of the helicopter before it touched the ground because it looked a lot cooler. It hurt his ankle a little bit, but that was the risk you took when you joined the army. Tails stretched his tendons since he was sore from sitting in a seat for a long time. Knuckles followed close behind his two new friends, but stopped in awe when he saw the military camp. The base was a place of beauty and majesty. Tens of tents were set up along the meadow, hammocks hung between trees, and a fairly phallic-looking tower stood in the middle. Soldiers walked around shirtless, high-fiving and playing volleyball and drinking each other's water. An old grizzled man with an eyepatch walked up to the trio.

"Sonic! I never thought you'd make it back you crazy son of a bitch!"

"You ain't getting rid of me that easy, Atkinson!" Sonic and the general locked hands with a clap that silenced the whole camp.

"Can somebody tell me what the hell I'm doing here?!" Knuckles yelled with great confusion.

"I thought you might ask that Private Knuckles, that's why you're gonna wanna come with me and see this." The robust and barrel-built general led the three anthropomorphic animals through the camp until they reached his own private abode. Once inside, Atkinson grabbed a book on a shelf and pulled it forward, causing the whole bookcase to slide across the wall, reveal a bust of President Ronald Reagan. He lifted the head to reveal a button underneath and pressed it to uncover a hidden stairway. The four descended into the basement and Tails gasped in awe at the small room with a large table and three folding chairs in it. Knuckles, Tails, and Sonic took their seats while the general sat in front of them crisscross applesauce.

"As you all may be aware, the fate of all civilization currently rests in the hands of the United States. We have survived a number of tragedies throughout the years, and defeated the many dark forces that wished to destroy us. Now, America faces an enemy unlike anything we've seen before, something more evil than the British, the Japanese, or the Nazis: communism."

"And why exactly should I care?" Knuckles sneered with attitude.

"Knuckles, how could you say such a thing," the young, spunky Tails gasped in horror. "If we just sit by and do nothing communism will spread all over the Earth and capitalism will cease to exist!"

"Sure, but what the hell has capitalism ever done for me huh smart guy!"

"I'll have you know our founding fathers gave their lives fighting for the right to have capitalism, it's the very foundation on which the modern world is founded, if it wasn't for capitalism I and you wouldn't even manage to be alive right now. The communists just want to take all of that away and make a world where everyone is equal and it's awful just awful I tell you. People deserve the unalienable right to be as grotesquely rich or horribly poor as the economy wishes them to be!"

"Amen to that!" Sonic said with a tip of his cowboy hat. Knuckles was furious. That little orange twink thought that he knew better than him? The echidna's face was now red with anger, but it was hard to tell because he was red in general.

"Fuck that! Fuck all of you and your damn capitalism! I've been walking circles in the jungle for six months just waiting to die. I've seen dead men carried off in helicopters and new ones dropped off in their place. This war is a goddamn mess and I regret ever being a part of it. I just want to go home!"

General Atkinson nodded his head gently throughout Knuckles outburst. He only looked the echidna in the eyes once he had calmed down.

"Why do you think you are here, Knuckles?"

"You mean…you can take me home?" His rhetorical question had caught the Mobian off guard.

"Yes, but only if you listen to what I have to say. As all three of you may know, the human soldiers of our platoons have little respect for you or anyone other members of your species. They tend to think that Mobians are incapable of becoming proper soldiers. And it's not just you three, we've been experiencing prejudice all throughout our army. Some platoons refuse to work together at all."

"It's true," Sonic said, "My platoon wouldn't even let me sleep in the same tent as them."

General Atkinson sighed disappointingly, "If it wasn't for the horrible unjust racism in our troops we would've annihilated these slant-eyed yellow motherfuckers by now. That's why I'm proposing a new entirely Mobian platoon. You'll lead a team of the very best and use your special abilities to end this war. All we need to do is assemble it."

"And where exactly do we find the Mobians to fit this job description, general?" Knuckles was still skeptical about this plan.

"There are two talented young boys up in the Northern jungle and I-"

"The northern jungle! That's the deadliest area of the war! Nobody who goes into that minefield ever comes out alive. I'm sorry, but I am not willing to put my life on the line for your stupid plan. I've got a family waiting for me back home." Knuckles stood up from the table and started to march out the door without so much as a goodbye. Tails followed close behind, pleading his new friend to stay with tears in his eyes.

"Knuckles please! If you go now, America will die." Knuckles felt a twinge of sadness within the cockles of his heart. His brow furrowed slightly before turning neutral once more. He stopped dead in his tracks, balling up his fists but refusing to turn around and look at the fox.

"Sorry kid, but I don't think the good ol' U.S. of A is worth it."

"We both know that isn't true," Sonic said, having arrived to comfort his orange friend who now knelt crying in the dirt. The hedgehog put his hands on Tails shoulders, lifting the young boy to his feet before stepping towards the echidna. Sonic put his left hand on his right breast, then remembered that his heart was on the other side of his chest so he changed it. The blue blur opened his mouth, and from it spilled a majestic falsetto unlike anything the modern world had heard before.

 _Oh, say can you see_

 _By the dawn's early light_

 _Oh so proudly we glared_

 _By the twilights last seaming_

 _Who's broad stripes and_

 _Bright stars_

 _Through the perilous night_

 _Gave through to the air_

 _Like a rockets big gleaming_

 _And the rockets' red glare_

 _Like bombs bursting in air_

 _Gave through to the night_

 _That the flag was still there_

 _Oh say can you see that_

 _Star spangled banner yet wave_

 _For the land of the free_

 _And the home of the brave_

As Sonic's serenade came to an end, Knuckles realized that tears were now streaming down his face. He looked around and saw a similar expression of awe on every face in the base. All of the soldiers had stopped whatever they were doing to listen to the blue hedgehog's symphony, seemingly hypnotized by the patriotic melody. In unison, all of the men broke out into thunderous applause for Sonic and stopped when they remembered that they were racist. Knuckles wiped away at his watery eyes. Suddenly, his hatred for his country and everyone around him did not seem so grand. He felt read to die for America.

"Alright you crazy son of a bitch, you've convinced me. If I'm gonna die anyways, might as well go out with a bang right?" Knuckles smirked.

"Then let's start banging, partner!" Sonic retorted with clever word play.

The three friends packed up their belongings and strapped on their freshly washed camouflage uniforms. General Atkinson equipped each of the boys with a month's worth of oranges and chocolate milk powder for nourishment, loading everything into a standard armored jeep. The jeep had cool shit painted on the side of it, like skulls and flames. The general saluted the trio as they drove off into the sunset, ready to face the jungle with the power of friendship.


End file.
